I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize