Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
