by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
