All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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