I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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