Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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