The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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