Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
