So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
