never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You took a bar mat shot.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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