i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
