People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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