I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
