yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
