So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
