Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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