She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
