I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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