I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize