omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
