Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
