Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Shame is for Republicans.
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