I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
