i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
