oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
