she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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