remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
