and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
