this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
