Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
