I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
