Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
