Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
