Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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