I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have post one night stand depression
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
