When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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