Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The ass gains better be worth it
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