he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
