JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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