4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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