I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
