Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
