Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
