I could have mohawked her pubes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
