Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
