They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize