just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
