at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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