Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
