Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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