I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
