my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
