It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
