either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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