I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize