SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
