PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
