i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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