Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
