K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
"it" just moved
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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