you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
