@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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