1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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