that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
