Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
