you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize