My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
