I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you had me at cake vodka
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize